Backtrack 9 years back

Started with the small fire. And it's still really under control. Honest. It's just a fire that brewing a pot of thoughts.

Watched ghost of girlfriends past yesterday.
-Love is magical comfort food for the weak and uneducated. Yeah, it makes you feel all warm and relevant but in the end it leaves you weak, dependant and fat
-You've got to risk love Sandra! I didn't and look at me, I'm a lonely ghost of a man. It doesn't mean that you're never going to get hurt but the pain you feel will never compare to the regret that comes from walking away from love."
-"Life, you know, it's like a quick cup of coffee, if you haven't got the guts to love someone, love them with all you've got, then you end up drinking alone."

So yes, the happily ever after was that they both got together, years later, after he stopped being an asshole and started to let love in. Typical soap opera ending.

I have/am/will be suckered enough to anyone who says to me, I mean everything to them and they're just too scared to loose me. The thing is (maybe good) that only 2 people have said that to me in this lifetime.

13/1/00
"you let me know how to settle down... and teach me what is love"
15/1/00
"you know something? actually i cried yesterday night, cause i can't imagine living without you... As i pass those places we went, my bed.. these msgs, i never felt happier"
27/1/00
"Just that i want to make this my final relationship and will not afford anyone to come between us"

16/6/05
"well I'm not looking for the perfect bf, just someone that i treasure and talk to."
20/6/05
"hey, thanks for meeting up lunch with me... the cheer up that i needed wasn't the food but just to meet up and talk to you. Also i wanted to hug and kiss you in the toilet but damn! there were people."

23/6/05
"Jeremy, even if we are not bf, i even ask if you'll want to go Japan with me and i ask my friend to let us stay at his place. I know asking to be in a r/s now might be a bit too rush, which at times i do want to... But if i know i do that, I'll start making a lot of mistakes and screw up, which i really don't want to... I like you to the point i might be falling in love with you.. I don't want this feeling or thought to be ruin."

It's the looking back and having to decide what was real, what is real and what wasn't real, what isn't real anymore, that screws you over.

It's about how different the perspective of a relationship now is compared to then, or how similar it is. My good friend just said to me, pls do believe in what you believed in 9 years ago. But at the same time, I can't see how i could ever revolve my life around 1 person. Doing almost everything together. Monogamy, isn't something i believe in 100% either these days.