A date after so long

So i got to know Mr K on 31/12/10. We met today. A good 5 months later.

Mr K look great in his pictures. Has a really good job. Audit manager @ the age of 31. (which makes me think at the age of 30, i am totally screwed up). And there was something different about him and the way he look at things compared to the Aj majority.

So we have been chatting casually here and there, now and then about nothing in particular. And so decided to meet finally.

The feeling of meeting up for a proper date was exciting and thrilling. At 30, it loses the excitement a 18 year old will feel. And maybe if i priss about myself enough on a daily basis, i won't even have felt that excited. Yeah, i'm a lazy thing, that can never bother with my hair. And i didn't again. But i took a picture and asked my friend if it was alright. Stepping out, i felt a bit wardrobe malfunction, shouldn't have chosen such a tight top.

Well i definitely got the answer to my question on how for an MNC, Asian operations are more profitable but we are less productive. We put in longer hours cause we dive into things, where else they tend to work less cause they have the luxury? to think about the problem at hand before they do it.

Back to the date, it didn't go that great. Maybe i was asking too much, I was expecting to have that kind of cozy, old time friend relationship with him instantly. But that does happen in life and a lot more on tv. I must have bored him, he was twitching with his mobile quite a fair bit.

Gay Relationships 301

So i had a talk with a friend today and did some reflection and came up with the following. Perhaps not the most qualified to comment on relationships myself but tell me i don't have a point!

A relationship needs to evolve, it needs to change. Fortunately or otherwise, being Aj means a higher tendency to get bored with the monotonous. Unlike str8 relationships where there is an end eventually, you get married and have kids. There isn't such end for aj relationships. There is no marriage to speak of, no kids to rise. Thus there is no direction that both people can work towards compared to a str8 couple.

So then the essence of finding your way through a relationship, through the happy years of sweet honeymoon with the occasional flights, though the years that follow of dullsville, lies in communication.

Now communication is a tricky thing. Talking doesn't equate to communication. Listening doesn't equate to communication either. Getting the other party to understand what you really want and getting a consensus is communication.

For instance, both of you could talk about apples, but if 1 has the idea of a red apple, while the other is thinking of a green one. Then there has been no proper communication. In which you end up square one.

And if a couple cannot communicate such that both know what exactly the other is talking about without the presumption, then please wonder and ask and answer, what relationship is there?

And still on relationships

Going back to the last blog. That was how i felt about relationships but wasn't entirely certain if its was true. True as in logical. And on 31.1.11 I did a Gallup Strengthfinder test. Which when i got the results back, the elaboration of each strength was correct but it was unexpected in the sense that no other test did tell me the same thing.

So a bit more on the test, there are 34 strengths and elaboration for the top 5. 1 of the strength is call Relator. Details below:

Relator describes your attitude toward your relationships. In simple terms, the Relator theme pulls you toward people you already know. You do not necessarily shy away from meeting new people—in fact, you may have other themes that cause you to enjoy the thrill of turning strangers into friends—but you do derive a great deal of pleasure and strength from being around your close friends. You are comfortable with intimacy. Once the initial connection has been made, you deliberately encourage a deepening of the relationship. You want to understand their feelings, their goals, their fears, and their dreams; and you want them to understand yours. You know that this kind of closeness implies a certain amount of risk—you might be taken advantage of—but you are willing to accept that risk. For you a relationship has value only if it is genuine. And the only way to know that is to entrust yourself to the other person. The more you share with each other, the more you risk together. The more you risk together, the more each of you proves your caring is genuine. These are your steps toward real friendship, and you take them willingly.

Im prolly slight different to different people. for instance, some people think i'm creative which i don't really think so. I've got an interest in design and all but that doesn't mean I'm creative. Maybe it's good marketing on my part. But back to the above, it reasserts what i thought was correct in the previous post. Its reassuring to have gotten that. Even though, yes i should not base my whole life on 1 test i did, but then again, we eventually aim for the highest possible education we can get and somehow or rather our whole career/life is base on that top piece of qualification.

The intimacy part is up for debate, since i shy/run/speed away from any boy-boy relationship. Talking about the deliberately encouraging a deepening of relationship. This is the part that kills me. Refer to previous post, otherwise i'll just be rambling what i rambled before Again. I might not be that forthcoming with the sharing part but thats cause I've been proven quite correctly on more than a few times, that people tend to be I focus, so hey, as long as that works and deepens the r/s, okay!

The need for strong relationships

2010 ended quite dramatic if you ask me.

But reflecting on the high strung end, I've come to learn/realize a few things.

I'm happy to have the people around me. I was told today, by Mr M that he tells me everything (though i think it's almost not everything) Last night, Randale opened up to me. Which was a pleasant surprise. We've known each other for about 10 years and we have never spoken like that. So I thought about it and realize that I'm quite different from most people. I do not really have casual friends. Theres a deep bond between most of my friends and they mean a lot to me. Even my 2 colleague's, i'll consider them more as friends. I've never imagine that I'll be texting them now and then to check out how they are dealing with motherhood. Things that cannot be said within common friends within the group, I know it all. And I've become someone's bestie. (not sure if i'm happy about that or not. Being labelled means you cld fall from grace.)

So I was upset, got to know a few people last year and I can't seem to connect with them. And the point of being upset didn't seem rationale cause, there's no bond with them. The way i got to know them was not excatly condusive to built a relationship. So there really was no need to get upset. But I figured out the reason was more about that since i'm having such wonderful relationships with people. It just upsetting that the same isn't happening with them. Not so much wheather they're worth it or not or if the enviornment right for it or not.

But that's a part of reality that I need to realize. Actually I realize it but when you want to 'own' a person, it tend to not sick in. I know that it's not possible to have such relationship with people. But the realization of it being harder and harder to find new relationships, that's depressing and thus perhaps propels one to try much harder to secure 'worthy'/worthy people to create and built the bond.