The need for strong relationships

2010 ended quite dramatic if you ask me.

But reflecting on the high strung end, I've come to learn/realize a few things.

I'm happy to have the people around me. I was told today, by Mr M that he tells me everything (though i think it's almost not everything) Last night, Randale opened up to me. Which was a pleasant surprise. We've known each other for about 10 years and we have never spoken like that. So I thought about it and realize that I'm quite different from most people. I do not really have casual friends. Theres a deep bond between most of my friends and they mean a lot to me. Even my 2 colleague's, i'll consider them more as friends. I've never imagine that I'll be texting them now and then to check out how they are dealing with motherhood. Things that cannot be said within common friends within the group, I know it all. And I've become someone's bestie. (not sure if i'm happy about that or not. Being labelled means you cld fall from grace.)

So I was upset, got to know a few people last year and I can't seem to connect with them. And the point of being upset didn't seem rationale cause, there's no bond with them. The way i got to know them was not excatly condusive to built a relationship. So there really was no need to get upset. But I figured out the reason was more about that since i'm having such wonderful relationships with people. It just upsetting that the same isn't happening with them. Not so much wheather they're worth it or not or if the enviornment right for it or not.

But that's a part of reality that I need to realize. Actually I realize it but when you want to 'own' a person, it tend to not sick in. I know that it's not possible to have such relationship with people. But the realization of it being harder and harder to find new relationships, that's depressing and thus perhaps propels one to try much harder to secure 'worthy'/worthy people to create and built the bond.